Kurt, Is That You?
Hello earthlings, I see you've come to judge me once again. Because this is what blogs are about right? Coming across as very pretentious and acting as if you're a creative genius and all your thoughts will someday mean something. Typical teenager. But no, this blog post will not be me shoving a bunch of slack poetry down your neck. Nor is it anything to do with Nirvana or Kurt Cobain, I am not a reviewer I do not post reviews on blogs. KEEP THAT IN MAGAZINES PLEASE.
This is a story about the first time I ever done Ketamine, too much of it too. So much that I thought I met Kurt Cobain. So much that I thought I died. So much that I thought I was walking through the afterlife.
I know what some of you are thinking 'Fucking hell here we go, teenager does some drugs lets write a fucking pathetic blog post about it'. Maybe true, but describing something that no one else will ever experience is interesting enough to write about. When you take psychedelics no one will ever have the same trip as you because everyone's imagination works in different ways. I don't hide the fact that I take drugs now and then because well, why put a mask on to fools who won't like you for being yourself?
Anyway, here we go. Here's my story. Get your reading goggles on.
The Jacky P House Party
It's that time around again, Jack Parker is hosting yet another house party and this time JAWS are playing. After the previous house party I decided I'm no longer going to take any buzz drugs. Because when you take buzz drugs, you're constantly reminding someone of 'how fucking sound' they are and then constantly being hassled for a key of your finest white magic. So here it is, I get in contact with a new dealer who for privacy purposes we're going to call Mr. Blue. So I text Mr. Blue asking for 5 grams of K as I was buying for me and a friend. So I'm going to meet him and we meet in a dark corner at a church in town (sorry big man) it was my first time buying stuff off the guy so I was shitting my pants, like dude my pants were on full nappy mode. Mr. Blue hands me 6 bags stating 'you seem like a decent bloke here you go mate have a treat'. So I'm on top of the world at this point. I've never took it before. I have no idea how much to take. It's the night before, I have a lot I'll test it out. So I done some, it was brilliant I just felt extremely drunk and unable to get my words across to people.. but it wasn't as interesting as the K Hole so fuck that. That's done with now, let's rush 24 hours later towards the end of the party.
Dumb Lock Up Afterparty
Dumb Lock Up Afterparty
After a fun night crowdsurfing blown up palmtree's to JAWS, Chief Wiggum and pals decide to parade on our party and ruin our night. In standard police fashion they barge through ordering all 20 plus bodies hiding in the bedroom to leave immediately. I'm fucking sweating a pacific ocean from my balls right now. I have a tonne of Ket that I've hardly touched all night and the police are taking random names. The standard looking police man with his 'I am a police man, I'm bold. I have heavy boots. I have handcuffs. Listen to me.' type down talk. So we've all left and it's time for the boys from Dumb to help us party on until morning. We arrive and it's everything you'd want a lock up party to be and more. I'm in my comfort zone, this is it. it's time to start my trip. This night was the first night I'd properly hung out with my close friends Liam & Jack too. SO fuck knows what they were thinking when they seen how I was acting all night. Everyone looks odd on ket, yet there's a strange beauty in watching someone on ket dangle their body around and slowly slide down walls. Mumbling words, trying to tell you what they're seeing. But you have no fucking clue, it's all cryptic code and you can tell they're just having a great time. This was me, all night. I start digging through my bag with a few standard hits. The world is confusing, everything is reminding me of space. When I close my eyes I'm seeing patterns form into eachother, much like when you used to play music on Windows Media Player and there would be patterns that blended with how the music sounds. (Sorry if you still use that, iTunes guy represent). Time to take another hit.
Kurt, Is That You?
Kurt, Is That You?
SO here I am, I'm sitting on my arse with knees touching and both my legs pointing in opposite directions. I'm fucked man. I'm trying to talk to Jack & Liam but it's just pure gobbledygook. I sit staring at these walls made of plywood, much more daydreaming.. I came out of my body and my mind whizzed through every room and I slowly started sinking back into my own body. Dumb started playing Nirvana in the next room, on K everything in other rooms seem to feel a lot louder than someone talking next to you. I felt crazy, all I could hear were extremely loud voices of just people talking but not understanding any words. The walls are fucking turning narrow, this wall of plywood suddenly becomes this never-ending hall of plywood. The really little details inside the wood all moulding into eachother. When I'm on ket I overthink death and weird theories about space too much, it freaks me out how insane I feel. I fall out of vision now. I go into a trance, looking left I see Kurt Cobain just talking. The music must have sprouted this out into my trip but to me.. He's fucking there, just talking shoveling his hands round in his pockets. I say out loud, 'Kurt is that you? Am I dead?'. Now imagine being at a party and seeing a kid on the floor talking to absolutely nothing, dribbling over himself and asking if he's dead. This was insane, I wanted to feel scared but the drugs were stopping me from feeling well, anything. I had no emotion. No troubles. I was just seeing all these images in my head. I got up and I was constantly grasping peoples arms tightly telling them "I just met Kurt Cobain". With the amount of laughter and "Yeah I met him too he's a cunt" remarks I got back I was annoyed. So annoyed because what I saw I thought was real. I stopped thinking I was on drugs and I thought everything I was seeing was natural. After being reminded multiple times I was high it clicked. I'm high.
Come on Dillon, stop doing this you're making a mess out of yourself. Find a mirror, talk it out.
No, don't do that just act normal.
The Afterlife
Come on Dillon, stop doing this you're making a mess out of yourself. Find a mirror, talk it out.
No, don't do that just act normal.
The Afterlife
It was getting towards early hours of the morning and Dumb played a intimate little jam. Playing Dive 3 times, officially forever making their music 'K Hole' music. (Only I understand this, they don't sound like Ketamine. They're bloody brilliant.) Everyone is scrambling their brains with stupid limits of drinks and drugs in order to stop the care that daylight is hitting the windows. We all know the feeling, trying to party when the parties over. Sunlight constantly making you want to just burn up into ash like the vampires in Blade. You're fucking depressed and all you want is the comfort of your bed. Well, not when you still have a lot of Ketamine.
Here we go, all or nothing. It's worn off and I possibly can't be as bad as I am last time now I'm 'experienced'. (Drugs make you think dumb, don't try it) Further on to disguise identity my friend Mr. Orange takes a line. I tipped way too much out the bag and I'm too fucking lazy and pathetic to put it back in. "Dude you can have another one if you want? You wanted another one right?" Mr. Orange doesn't want any more ket. He's through, he done. So thanks Mr. Orange.
I do it because I'm a fucking dick.
This is it, this is what is described as 'Super Mario Mode'. This is the closest to insanity as you can get on K. Well from what I've heard.
I sit there and everything turns into a watercolour painting. The sky was pouring in through the window and all I could see is clouds inside the room.. all these patterns in the sky form an ocean at the tip of the clouds. It was like watching a video of the sky and ocean upside down but more blurry and Cerrrayzyyyy. I'm sat there just mindblown. Mr. Orange is holding a painting up in the air, he reverses and freezes. Everything he does goes back in time and repeats itself 10 seconds earlier. Everyone is just frozen in time, I can't move out this chair. Everything turns looks like a childrens pop out book. But everyone is moulding into eachother, moving further away from me. Then slowing sinking into eachother. I thought this was it. This is the afterlife, I'm dead and my friends are trying to revive me. All I can hear is "Dillon. Dillon!". Somehow I'm walking now, going down the stairs looking out at the construction site, I'm about 8 stories high and about 8 times higher than 3 hours ago. Everything outside looks never-ending. I've broken into the void man, I feel like the wind. I feel like earth has ended and this is the beauty of what's to come. I'm thinking about relatives and trying to think of things that I should be sad about just to FEEL emotion. I'm feeling nothing. Everything looks beautiful though, the world is unbelievable. I walk inside a Tesco with friends and it hits me, I'm not dead I'm okay. This security guard is giving me very very bad looks. I wander off and run round the corner (paranoid that I still had stuff on me) I have no idea if I sit down and took more but I am tripping the fuck out. Literally tripping too, like falling the fuck over everything. I'm dead, I know it.
I walk through the streets just slowly swaying into walls and phone-booths. My body feels like it weighs nothing, I feel like a skeleton. My body feels like it's floating and my hands are stupidly weak. I remember thinking that everyone I seen walking towards was dead too. Waiting for them to question me. Abit like prison when someone says "Ehh, so what you in for?". I was waiting for a "So, how'd you die then?". Or waiting to discuss how the world ended. I needed answers, so I just start nodding at everyone waiting for some sort of secret answer to everything. Finally, my phone rings. My friend Mr. Orange is calling me. I answer simply with a "Dude, how are you calling me I'm dead."
He replies: Dill, you're not dead. Where are you?
I reply "How do I have an iPhone when I'm dead? How are you ringing me?"
Mr. Orange sighs at my stupidity. I'm trying to read out the name of the pub I'm outside and no words can come out. I just can't talk anymore, words can't come out my mouth. Out of nowhere I'm found. I'm saved.
I look at my friends in relief.
"Thanks guys."
I really was grateful, who knows how long that could of went on for if I didn't get a wake up call. When you're in a trance it's hard to get out. You need something very sudden to happen. I was so happy.
I smile at the adventure I just experienced.
I smirk this really happy secretive smile and just said "I thought I died" really quietly.
Not For Human Consumption
Here we go, all or nothing. It's worn off and I possibly can't be as bad as I am last time now I'm 'experienced'. (Drugs make you think dumb, don't try it) Further on to disguise identity my friend Mr. Orange takes a line. I tipped way too much out the bag and I'm too fucking lazy and pathetic to put it back in. "Dude you can have another one if you want? You wanted another one right?" Mr. Orange doesn't want any more ket. He's through, he done. So thanks Mr. Orange.
I do it because I'm a fucking dick.
This is it, this is what is described as 'Super Mario Mode'. This is the closest to insanity as you can get on K. Well from what I've heard.
I sit there and everything turns into a watercolour painting. The sky was pouring in through the window and all I could see is clouds inside the room.. all these patterns in the sky form an ocean at the tip of the clouds. It was like watching a video of the sky and ocean upside down but more blurry and Cerrrayzyyyy. I'm sat there just mindblown. Mr. Orange is holding a painting up in the air, he reverses and freezes. Everything he does goes back in time and repeats itself 10 seconds earlier. Everyone is just frozen in time, I can't move out this chair. Everything turns looks like a childrens pop out book. But everyone is moulding into eachother, moving further away from me. Then slowing sinking into eachother. I thought this was it. This is the afterlife, I'm dead and my friends are trying to revive me. All I can hear is "Dillon. Dillon!". Somehow I'm walking now, going down the stairs looking out at the construction site, I'm about 8 stories high and about 8 times higher than 3 hours ago. Everything outside looks never-ending. I've broken into the void man, I feel like the wind. I feel like earth has ended and this is the beauty of what's to come. I'm thinking about relatives and trying to think of things that I should be sad about just to FEEL emotion. I'm feeling nothing. Everything looks beautiful though, the world is unbelievable. I walk inside a Tesco with friends and it hits me, I'm not dead I'm okay. This security guard is giving me very very bad looks. I wander off and run round the corner (paranoid that I still had stuff on me) I have no idea if I sit down and took more but I am tripping the fuck out. Literally tripping too, like falling the fuck over everything. I'm dead, I know it.
I walk through the streets just slowly swaying into walls and phone-booths. My body feels like it weighs nothing, I feel like a skeleton. My body feels like it's floating and my hands are stupidly weak. I remember thinking that everyone I seen walking towards was dead too. Waiting for them to question me. Abit like prison when someone says "Ehh, so what you in for?". I was waiting for a "So, how'd you die then?". Or waiting to discuss how the world ended. I needed answers, so I just start nodding at everyone waiting for some sort of secret answer to everything. Finally, my phone rings. My friend Mr. Orange is calling me. I answer simply with a "Dude, how are you calling me I'm dead."
He replies: Dill, you're not dead. Where are you?
I reply "How do I have an iPhone when I'm dead? How are you ringing me?"
Mr. Orange sighs at my stupidity. I'm trying to read out the name of the pub I'm outside and no words can come out. I just can't talk anymore, words can't come out my mouth. Out of nowhere I'm found. I'm saved.
I look at my friends in relief.
"Thanks guys."
I really was grateful, who knows how long that could of went on for if I didn't get a wake up call. When you're in a trance it's hard to get out. You need something very sudden to happen. I was so happy.
I smile at the adventure I just experienced.
I smirk this really happy secretive smile and just said "I thought I died" really quietly.
Not For Human Consumption
This was life changing, I thought I really hit through to the other side.
Everything felt so real..
It never happened again, I'm fed up of trying though.
This winter I'd definitely recommend fabrics to keep you warm rather than using drugs as your warm blanket.
Your wallet forms holes, and you become a shit person socially. Sure I'll always venture into breaking the this humanities void again. The 'void' of everyday life is as hollow and dull as anything, sometimes you need to brighten your life up with the odd chemical love bag. But the worse thing about growing a drug habit isn't falling into one. It's affording one. If you can't afford to fry your brain at every social event then it'll fall away from a habit. Your mind puts you in a shit place feeding a habit.
I'm happy being broke right now, waiting to fall back into my void.
See you on the other side sistaz.
X
(But fuck that advice, do what you want and have fun doing it)
-
Everything felt so real..
It never happened again, I'm fed up of trying though.
This winter I'd definitely recommend fabrics to keep you warm rather than using drugs as your warm blanket.
Your wallet forms holes, and you become a shit person socially. Sure I'll always venture into breaking the this humanities void again. The 'void' of everyday life is as hollow and dull as anything, sometimes you need to brighten your life up with the odd chemical love bag. But the worse thing about growing a drug habit isn't falling into one. It's affording one. If you can't afford to fry your brain at every social event then it'll fall away from a habit. Your mind puts you in a shit place feeding a habit.
I'm happy being broke right now, waiting to fall back into my void.
See you on the other side sistaz.
X
(But fuck that advice, do what you want and have fun doing it)
-
